Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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