4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
