I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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