You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
