He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
