Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
