did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
