Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
