Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
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Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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