Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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