Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
