just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
