you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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