pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
