He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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