Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
