do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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