My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
