I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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