Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
