just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
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Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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