I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
