Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
