i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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