Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
