No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
