i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
this hospital has no fireball
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
