I puked a lego.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize