My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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