Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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