You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
17 year olds will be the death of me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
