I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
