If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
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Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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