I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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