my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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