the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sorry about my life...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
