yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
