So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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