Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
