do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
