Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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