is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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