I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
