My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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