I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Houston, we have a blender
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
