What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
