My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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