i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
