You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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