I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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