I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Vodka?
Forever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
