I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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