My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
