Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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