do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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