yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
