I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
