I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
