While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
