you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
