I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As shirtless as possible
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
