my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
