I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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