She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His hands were made for my vagina.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
