Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
