just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
