i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
