Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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