Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
