Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
