Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think my vagina is haunted
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
