dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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