Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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