I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
