Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
