We tried having a conversation with our noses.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
