Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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