I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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