I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
