Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
