smell my finger.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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