nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
