in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
