Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think my cat just said my name.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
