How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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