There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
