You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
