Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.