I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care