OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
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my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex