Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Randomize
Follow @tfln