I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
