I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.