She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine