Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
