i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors