he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
