Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
